What To Do When You're Afraid of Being Disliked for Being Assertive

“People don't like me when I'm assertive.” 

Wait, is that even true? 

When I was a high school senior I asked five boys to the prom. I was assertive. 

They all said no. No problem. I went to the prom stag and had the most wonderful time. 

Because I was set on having fun. 

Did my classmates dislike me for dancing with other people’s dates? 

Who cares! It’s ancient history. 

Plus I care more that I had fun (and how lucky that it was IRL, 20 years ago). I like me more for having gone to prom. That’s what’s most important to me. 

Here’s another one. 

I once negotiated for $20k salary bump with an all male C suite of a startup. 

They didn’t say yes...at first. There was definitely pushback and maybe even an attempt to undercut my confidence. 

Was I nervous to assert my ask? Absolutely. 

Did I stop wanting to make more money? Absolutely not. 

A year later, they gave me a $20k salary bump and promotion, when the startup raised funding. 

I’m so grateful for my past self who dared to be assertive with her ask. 

Clearly my bosses liked it well enough to give me the raise I wanted and a promotion. Because they saw that I had a spine. That I had desire for growth. The nerve to ask for what I want. 

So, listen. If you ever worry that being assertive will get you disliked, I invite you to question why being liked is more important than what you want. 

I invite you to consider all the times you cared more for what you wanted, less about what other people think, and how that led you to more self-respect, more fun, more money, and more growth. 

And how when you have your own back like this that makes you magnetic to people — whether on the dance 💃 floor or in the workplace.