When you're a woman in the workplace, you're bound to experience mismanaged expectations and encounter other people's internalized biases... not to mention incompetence and ignorance.

These things happen, and it's not your fault if you feel triggered, angry, or upset.

(In my former life as a hedge fund analyst, I'd sometimes hide in the women's bathroom stall, stifling my tears or letting out long, exasperated sighs... after yet another sexist comment from the all-male trading team.)

You, who's reading this, is so much more resilient and capable than anyone else's misconceived notions of you.

You want to feel more in control.

You want to be able to redirect your brain from a tailspin to coherent problem-solving-mode, so you can calmly respond and rise above the nonsense.

As an executive coach for women, I routinely teach my clients simple, repeatable brain-rewiring techniques to help them regain agency and control.

Here are three techniques you can try on for size today.

Read on for 60-second video tutorials and step-by-step instructions:

Assess
The Anger Scale

The Anger Scale is one of several useful concepts that Maggie Reyes shared on the Negotiate Your Career Growth podcast.

Here's how to use the Anger Scale:

Think of that one irritating situation or person.
Take a deep breath in and exhale twice as long.
Ask yourself, "How angry do I want to be about this (on a range between 1-10)?"
If your number is less than 6, do nothing. Consider you may have already done enough and you can move on.

If your number is 6 and above:

Take a piece of paper and write down all your frustration and anger (get a second or third pieces of paper if you run out of space)
Then decide if you want to burn the paper or have an awkward conversation that can put the ball back in your court.

Give it a try if Uninspiring Steve or Pushy Pam gets on your nerves again.

2. Neutralize

The Havening Technique

This is a technique developed by an American neuroscientist, Dr. Ronald Ruden. It aids in nervous system regulation through sensory touch.

Studies suggest this technique can help slow down your brain waves from gamma waves (fast, erratic) to delta waves (slow and steady).

How to do the Havening Technique:

Put your left hand over your right shoulder, right hand over your left shoulder
Slowly and gently move your hands down your upper and lower arms
Continue and move your palms across each other
Repeat this as you breathe in deep and exhale in a pace that feels good to you
Think of a color that feels relaxing and soothing or imagine a place of comfort
As you recall the upsetting situation or event, retell the story in the most neutral terms possible (e.g. "So-and-so said words to me, and I said words in response")

3. Redirect and Expand

The 5-Second Button

In order to rise above the BS of office politics and achieve your goals, you don't have to be better, but more expansive.

You don't have to read yet another book on mastering interpersonal communication. You don't have to overwork to outrun your self-doubt.

Being expansive is a power move.

It's also an intentional pause that allows you to shift first into a broader perspective, then a calm and relaxed problem-solving mode.

Here's how to do the 5-Second Button:

Hold your thumb and forefinger together, like a yoga mudra (this serves as a physical anchor, or a shortcut to help you recall this state faster with practice over time)
Take a deep breath in, and exhale slowly, twice as long as your inhale
Count down: 3 - 2 - 1
Allow the feeling of expansion (or any other feeling that feels good to you) to expand in your body. For me, this feels like an uplift in my upper body as my eyes soften, and I have a palpable sense of being lighter than before.
Hold the feeling for five seconds. Let go, both your fingers and the emotion.

Practical Neuroscience Tools to Help you Rise Above the BS and Lead with Confidence

In my 1:1 coaching series, I support my clients to implement evidence-based tools like the above.

With these tools, you can

Interrupt habituated patterns of freezing up or shutting down, so you can build new habits of thinking, feeling, and responding in a way that serves your highest growth.
From there, make decisions for the growth that you want.
Communicate and engage in conversations (some awkward but totally worth it) that grow your perceived value and make your growth inevitable.

Click here to learn more about my coaching and to book your free 1:1 consultation.

Here’s what my clients say:

from my client Kathryn: “Thank you for the session, Jamie - the shifts in perspective and embodiment are still blowing my mind!”

"This is priceless. The technique is like a rescue inhaler. It's powerful to realize that I have more power over my emotions than I realized."

- Adrienne

"At work, I notice myself getting better at being in the moment, no longer reacting to other people's fears and anxieties or jumping to the conclusion that they're a detriment to me. I now have more confidence in my choices and know that I can create my own leadership experience, as an employee and as an entrepreneur."

- Maryam